Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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