drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
