Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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