I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
