I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
