i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
