got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
