Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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