I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
