I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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