You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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