I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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