Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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