If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
