oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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