are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
