At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
