My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
