I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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