I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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