I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
