It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
