Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
