big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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