im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
