You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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