WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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