I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im part way to drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
