More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
