I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
