Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
