i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
