he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
