I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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