it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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