Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
