So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
