Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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