I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
