no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
