I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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