She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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