I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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