he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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