I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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