and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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