too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
