Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
