I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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