Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
