i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
