you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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