you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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