Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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