i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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