he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
