I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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