so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
