Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
