Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
