I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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