Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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