Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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