the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
