...so i touched it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
