You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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