if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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