I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
