I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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